ALL The Modalities I Tried

So here is a chronological list of everything I have tried to help myself  since I was old enough to understand that I had problems or that people around me had problems. . .I was 4 years old and wondering why everyone around me was constantly fighting and hating.

After each modality, I enter a  very short personal evaluation of  what I  experienced. Please know that I am not criticizing anything, rather my evaluation is made in the context of what I was searching for, though I couldn’t have precisely described what it was for many years. The  ‘not enough’ conclusions I gathered along the way were all useful for me for they pushed me to search further.  In the end, what really made the difference for me was the aim of this intense search: I was not looking for a way to ‘feel better’ (though I thought I did at the beginning), but for a real answer as to why things were the way they are, and also to understand the cause of and truly resolve the contradictions visible everywhere in the world as well as the senseless and painful behavior and reactions of  all humans ( first and foremost myself!).

1) Catholicism : I was extremely devoted my entire childhood and went to a catholic school. In fact, I could hear “God’s calling’ to become a nun and it terrified me, because I  so wanted to marry and have children!  I left the church early on, because it could not explain or deal with any of the mess in my family. I continues to explore ‘god’ for a long time, though.  Catholicism in short did not touch on any issues, just offered a good code of conduct to ‘not succumb’ to them and at best  some reassurance that I was not alone.

2) “Psycho-Sciences” and Others:  Graphology, psycho-morphology, personality testing, astrology,  psychology, animal behavior and animal psycho-physiology, genetics . In and out of college studies. I have a Master’s degree in Genetics from the University of Paris VI, France. Dabbles of understandings.

3) Krishnamurti: Spent two summers listening to him in Saanen, Switzerland, and poured over his books. Interesting, but way too intellectual to actually help with specific issues.

4) Buddhism and Others: A year around India and Sri Lanka learning Vipassana meditation and  exploring temple life, Tibetan Buddhism and Hinduism. What impressed me most during this journey was the kindness of one very poor woman toward me in Pakistan. . .She  did not speak English but showed great compassion for the  tears of a rich  white girl -I felt completely  lost and alone- while at a bus stop. I learned and remembered more from her gesture than from everything else I learned during that year.

5) Power of Positive Thinking and Others: Napoleon Hill,  Joseph Murphy, Shakti Gawain, Florence Scovel-Shinn. . . ideas which sounded really exciting and simple, but which never pointed at let alone  touched onto any of  my issues, and I was still running away from them anyway. . .

6) Law of Attraction: Abraham/Hicks…I discovered them at their very beginning and followed them enthusiastically for a few years.  A bit the same  as above. Too much into creating ‘new’ and not enough into clearing existing obstacles, like  attempting to build new houses in empty lots without ever clearing or repairing the existing houses.

7) Native-American spirituality: What made the most sense to me for quite a while. I worked closely with a medicine-man for 10 years, he put me through the fire of myself,  clearly showed me my  biggest issues and started me on the road to self-empowerment. I owe him the title of “Spirit Jeweler”.    (see www. SpiritJeweler.com for what it means). But I kept walking further.

8) Reiki: I took Reiki 1 and 2 . . .it never felt right to me, seemed like a nice warm blanket put over wounds, though back then, I had difficulty putting this feeling into words.

9) Acupuncture: My  then husband became a 5 element-acupuncturist and practiced plenty on me and I was also treated by Professor Worsley, the  world-renown occidental acupuncturist. It touched on issues and seemed to help some but it was a passive  “being done to you” treatment that did not really bring the deep and complete self-empowerment I was searching for.

10) Psychotherapy: traditional plus EMDR, hypnotherapy, dabble in NLP. Small results, which pushed me to keep trudging  into my issues.

11) “New Age” and Others: So much tried…enneagram,  flower and oil essences, color therapy, DNA recoding and  emotional clearing with Jeleila Starr of the Nibiruan Council, yoga, chi-kung, channeled readings. . . Interesting learning, much of which got shattered later on.

12) Love: This is probably the one ‘solution’ I was the surest of and which I “worked with” the very most and longest.

  • I first looked for the ‘right’ man  and when I found him, ( he was  ‘right’ because he was also searching and was “further ahead”/way more experienced than I was then), I devoted myself to the relationship and to him,  so sure I was that they would lead me to the well-being  I so desperately searched for.
  • When it seemed that this might not happen, I took the responsibility onto myself and simply thought that I didn’t love my beloved enough, so I worked harder at being more devoted and loving.
  • When I got terribly hurt by the decisions his own search took him into, I still believed in love as a solution to my quest for happiness but I thought I simply had not loved the ‘right way’. So I started searching for a ‘way to love that doesn’t hurt’ .
  • When I discovered ‘Unconditional Love’, after quite a bit of painful stumbling about (painful to others and myself), I plunged head-on into “Love, no matter what”. I was certain I had found ‘ Pure Love, the Solution to All  Human Suffering’.

Unconditional love  then became to me a  blissful certainty which I clung to for nearly 5 years, complete with a new partner who also shared the same views. However, some very tiny details of my life  still did not make sense, so I kept searching (read about it HERE).

My  deeply-felt notions about Unconditional Love started shattering after working with the modality below for a couple of years . . . It might seem like a sorry happening to some but I must say VERY clearly that the REAL love I intimately know, feel and live these days is infinitely better than the unconditional  love I used to be  so blissed out with . . .Unconditional Love claimed Oneness through ‘integration’ but instead was conflict-avoiding,  sickly positive and world horrors-deaf and blind. Unconditional love is now to me like  cotton-candy, too sweet and too  sticky,  artificially ‘concocted’ and “packaged”.

 What I call Real Love is quite different, however. It is not silent nor is it blind, deaf or avoiding.  It keeps its eyes wide open, knows when to be tender or tough and it dares to be.  But, while  I easily  concede that Real Love is a magnificent feeling which certainly helps to bear the horrors one faces every day,  I very clearly  and personally experienced that it did not and could not in ANY way resolve ANY of them.

This realization was not easy to face, but it also was a great gift for it kept me digging and searching for a solution. Relentless Maya. . .

13)  The baker’s dozen. . . Whole SoulWork: has been since 2003 the most complete and precise modality I have ever tried. . .with it I have been able to deal with EVERY SINGLE issue that has showed up on my radar screen, including many I wasn’t even aware of having!

This same approach, completely tailored to your particular issues, abilities and personal characteristics,  is what I now offer you in this website.

Besides doing this work, a bit of chi-kung and frequent ocean-swimming are my only other inner-work companions. They keep  my body moving, breathing well and connected with nature.